I was a trusted parishioner and volunteer at a United Church, until I whistle blew about transphobia and sexism and then was branded a thief. The following is an open letter to the Moderator of the United Church about my experience of United Church social justice and what happens when you decolonise and advocate for gender minorities in the local church. Note : I have changed the names and locations for privacy.
Dear Right Reverend Dr. Carmen Lansdowne,
I am writing to you as moderator and as the primary spokesperson and representative of the United Church to return two memorial urns I supposedly stole from a United Church in the Horseshoe Falls Regional Council.
I am not sure if you will have use for these damaged items or would like to return them. Evidently, they are of great value to Reverend X, or else he would not have complained of me stealing them over six months after the fact. This theft allegation was made during a gender harassment investigation I requested.
How I Urned the Title of Urn Thief
Whom to believe about the ownership of the dented urns? How I urned the title of urn thief speaks volumes about how human rights whistleblowing and decolonizing attempts are treated in everyday United Church dealings.
But first some background…
I am a trans/nonbinary person who attended and volunteered at a church in the Horseshoe Falls Regional Council from November 2019 until April 30, 2021. I started worshipping there in 2016 because my theatre company used the building. I intended to help the church renovate the building to bless the local arts community. I regularly volunteered two to three times a week, from six to eight hours, renovating and cleaning the building. A level of trust was urned in the church, and I had an alarm code and keys. I often went to the church to drop off supplies at all hours and worked on renovations late at night when I could not sleep due to my PTSD. The church was my significant social and emotional support, and members were in my Covid bubble. Reverend X actively encouraged me to cut off my family as they were toxic and transphobic. I was heavily invested in keeping my relationships with this church as they were like the family I didn’t have. In Spring 2021, I was also training to be an assistant treasurer and learning to count the offerings. Members of the church council asked me to join the council and to be given a title to clarify and solidify my prominent role in the church work.
Decluttering and/or erasing history
Part of the church renovation was decluttering to communicate that we welcome newcomers/new life and are not preoccupied with times gone by. We encountered many out-of-date or broken items with memorial plaques during this process. There was a lot of conversation on what to do with important memorials on now useless items. I suggested that we create a historical donations plaque with these names to honour the donation while removing the actual items. I also suggested making a scrapbook to display notable certificates that are no longer relevant as wall art. These ideas were rejected, and Rev.X accused me of erasing history, so I did neither. Rev. X sold some items on consignment, and some we donated to charity. We tried to give away as much stuff as possible, and Rev. X offered me these two damaged, out-of-commission brass urns to use as planters in my house. He said I could keep them for use as long they didn’t turn up at a metal recycling place, as they had memorial plaques. Rev. X knew I grew succulents in hopes of selling them someday as a church fundraiser, and he brought leftover pots to my house as a gift. These dented urns were displayed in my house with the rest of the planters he brought, and Rev. X saw them whenever he visited. Everything was going well with the renovating efforts and my planting until I had the nerve to speak up for my human rights.
How do you declutter sexism?
While volunteering and attending this church, I encountered troubling and unaddressed episodes of bullying, transphobia and sexual harassment, which I ignored to get along. As the Church hoped to host Fringe 2021, I asked the Local Business Improvement Association (BIA) if they would be interested in helping celebrate. I was told that the BIA would love to work with me but not with Reverend X because he yelled and made members of the BIA cry in his office. I was surprised by this and told Rev. X the BIA was upset and that I was concerned for the church’s community reputation. Rev. X responded angrily that women should not be in the workforce if they were going to cry, called the BIA bitches out to get him, and said they were gossiping about him. I was upset by these sexist comments and ended the conversation, stating I wanted to speak to him at another time.
Pastoral Care Tip 1: There’s probably never a good time to discuss pastors killing trans people in a pastoral conversation.
That week, I attempted to discuss this treatment of BIA members with Rev. X when a debate started about street festival closures and how Rev. X would close our church and not participate because the BIA had not adequately consulted him. I told Rev. X it seemed like a pissing contest between him and the BIA and that the people in the street festival would miss our ministry if he cancelled. I noted it was not Christlike and seemed like an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth. Rev. X responded that I should not be so evangelical and said asking him to rent out to the BIA would be like renting out to a Southern Baptist preacher who thought all transgender people should be killed. These Ill-placed comments about the transgender community triggered me. I asked Rev. X why he brought up killing trans people, and said this was inappropriate and not on topic. Rev X knew I had developed PTSD due to workplace threats to kill transgender people. Rev.X ought to have known this was triggering and that he used this language to lash out when he was not happy with me. Thus, I was exposed to transphobic harassment and discriminatory comments based on his knowledge of my gender identity.
After this, I wanted to speak with Rev. X about this use of harmful language but didn’t feel safe doing so alone. A function of my PTSD is growing anxiety, dysphoria, and rumination on transphobic behaviour. On April 30, 2021, I requested a facilitated conversation through the Office of Vocation Minister. This was a way to deal confidentially and informally with the issue, with no discipline and harm to the relationship, but also a safe space where Rev. X could not lash out again. The Office of Vacation Minister arranged for a trained facilitator to facilitate such a conversation. Rev. X agreed to this facilitated conversation and then placed several restrictions on the process, and the facilitator indicated they could not proceed.
Pastoral Care Tip #2; Set your parishioners up for success, not arrest
Following this unfulfilled request for facilitated conversation, I wanted to retrieve some of my power tools from the church for a home project. Based on past observations of the Reverend’s behaviour towards his banished family members, I suspected that Rev. X might secretly change the alarm codes to have me get caught alarms blaring at the church. Rev. X knew I was suing the OPP for transphobia, and had a fear of the police, as did many local queers at that time.
I emailed Rev. X to ensure everything was still intact with my access code to the church. Rev. X responded that the Church Council had removed my code from the security system. I requested contact with someone from the Council to explain, but X did not respond. I called a council member, and she confirmed that my security access had been removed because X told the Council that I complained about him. When I asked why they treated such a devoted member like me this way, the council member said, “Because you complained.” This was false; no complaint was made but rather a request for facilitated conversation, a process that should have remained confidential.
The removal of my security access code was retaliatory due to my request for a facilitated conversation. In standing up for my rights and seeking resolution of human rights issues, I was stripped of my code and key/access to the church. This is retaliation and punishment for “complaining.” I find it incredible that a Church council would act unilaterally without consulting with me and setting me up to set off the alarms the next time I volunteered. Being cut off from the church and unable to safely discuss my human rights concerns without retaliation, I had no choice but to file a complaint.
Pastoral tip #3: It’s important to act unilaterally to protect broken and useless items from being stolen! (Just because we can’t give it away doesn’t mean you can take it away!)
In the investigation, I was shocked to be questioned about “taking” things from the church. Essentially, Rev. X had accused me of stealing these dented memorial urns to justify taking away my keys and church access. This was an attempt to mitigate the retaliatory actions of cutting me off and to change the narrative from whistleblower to thief. Evidently, I stole these dented urns in the summer of 2020, and X only revealed this to the Council when I asked for a facilitated conversation in Spring 2021. Also, the month before the Council removed my keys, I was asked by a member to be the relief treasurer, and I was learning how to count the offerings and complete the books. Therefore, Reverend X claimed to the Council that I was a known thief for over a year even though he allowed me to count the offerings and did not complain when I showed him the urns as planters in my house.
The Disappearance of the Water Walking White Guy.
Not only did I steal the urns, but according to the church, I had grievously sinned by “hiding” the statue of Anglo-Saxon Jesus walking on the water as part of the de-colonizing efforts in the church renovations. By hiding, we mean me and the renovating team discretely putting away outmoded images of white privileged Jesus.
During renovations, we removed a shelf that displayed a white Jesus doll walking on water. Rev. X knew many people thought it was tacky, and he loved making jokes about it. I told X that an Anglo-Saxon white Jesus was historically inaccurate and not the image of the United Church we wanted to project. X agreed it was not our understanding of Christ, but it was fun to talk about with visitors, and he liked teasing people. This making fun of people seeking equity was a bit of a theme with Rev. X, who also bragged about starting a men-only bible group in college to annoy the feminists who had started a patriarchal challenging women-only Bible study. X also talked about how he fought racism as a pastor in Kentucky by telling everyone he was really a black man. Evidently appropriating a whole other race whole cloth was the way to combat racism, but not eliminating images of Christ that underpin white supremacy in his own church.
Trans People can’t be trusted!
Our decolonizing action of quietly putting white supremacist images in storage (with the knowledge of the renovating team) does not speak to me being someone who steals and hides. Here, I want not so randomly to point out the trans people are deceiver’s trope. Transphobic people think trans people “hide” their birth sex and thus are fundamentally deceptive. I was not accused of being deceptive, stealing or hiding until whistleblowing about the gender discrimination at my church. It is very odd how the whole church suddenly believed I was a deceiver after several years of knowing me and having no objective evidence other than the fact that I complained of gender discrimination. Hmmmm.
Don’t you want these valuable useless urns any moore?
I now have severe anxiety living in my local community and have religious trauma from being shunned by all my former church friends in a most unChristlike manner. Not knowing if my community thinks I am a thief, I wanted to clear this up and return the dented urns. Strangely, since I mentioned it was libellous to accuse me of stealing, the United Church has grown mysteriously silent and unhelpful, and I never got the assistance to return them. Therefore, you have urned the privilege of getting these valuable “stolen” goods. Perhaps you could plant some succulents in them or return them to their church as they were so valuable as to merit cutting off and libelling a disabled trans parishioner and faithful volunteer.
I trust you will find a good use for these damaged things and thank you in advance. I also thank you for reading this long letter. Since the United Church prides itself in its social justice, everyone should know what happens when you whistle blow and practice decolonization. I will include a copy of this letter on my blog, without names. All United Church parishioners who read it ought to prayerfully raise their eyes to the nearest image or doll of white Jesus and thank him they have not urned the same treatment. Yours in Christ, K.
